In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
