I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Randomize
