my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
