your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think people are normalizing furries
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
