It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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