The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
