I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
vagina is talking i cant
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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