she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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