If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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