She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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