i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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