i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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