You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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