I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
time to smoke my breakfast
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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