Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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