His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
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You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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