at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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