i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
