I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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