Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
