hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
