last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
