I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
