Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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