Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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