Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's never too late to be topless.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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