If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
