I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Do vagina's smell?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
