A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I love how my cats smell like pot.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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