Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
