my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
