Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
