I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
