omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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