we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
