I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
