It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
