Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
