If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
