4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sobbing to NWA
Randomize
