The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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