i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
