so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
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we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
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After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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