he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
