Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
