She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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