You can't special order awesome
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
