god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
