At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
