No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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