Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
