Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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