i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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