"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
