I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
