i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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