End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
