I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize