Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
