Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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