Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
