when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Randomize
