I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
