Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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