my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
