I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
