I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
