Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
