I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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