You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
