Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
