I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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