the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
