Just fell off a train. Bad.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
