pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
