But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
