Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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