Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
My ass is underappreciated
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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