im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
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I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
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I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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