I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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