I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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