Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Success! We fucked roommates!
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
