I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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